Sunday, September 14, 2008

Changing life directions

So, how do you know when to close one chapter in your life and be begin another? I mean does a light suddenly click in your head or you have a sudden awakening? I mean I've been doing track and field all my life. It's all I've known for the past 10yrs or so. I've run professionally for 3yrs. Its been quite challenging financially and I've lost the love for it. I've always wanted to help people and wanted to go to law school to work at the United Nations.

So why is saying goodbye to track so difficult? I wonder if I am thinking about what other people may said about me calling it quits. But I don't believe I am. And of course everyone has an option on the matter. Some people say, "Can you live with this decision?" and others say "Good, go for it!"

Well, I think its time to call it quits. I have just been doing personal training at a gym. This has allowed me to keep my passion for people's health and awareness. So, that has been great!!

And I've been doing some research for different law schools. This process makes me so nervous. I'm guessing this is how people usually feel when they embark on a new quest in life. It's been super exciting. I have started applications for over 10 schools so far. And now enrolled in a Kaplan LSAT course. It's unbelievable how much they charge for those things. I mean $1299-$1499 for course classes. Ridiculous...Oh the price of the HOPE for success (hopefully that makes sense).

Maybe I am so nervous and that is why I am debating quitting track? Maybe this is to be expected? I really don't know. I guess I will find out..

What do you think??

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think we are creatures of habit and whenever we decide to break those habits it not only scares us but the people that care most about you.

Ironically, you're in a flipped position than most people. You're already doing something a very percent of people are even capable of doing and want to give it up for a "normal" life.

I was an English major preparing to become a teacher and when I switched over to film everyone around me freaked out. I got a lot of "stop living in the clouds" and crap like that. But you've been trying to catch a dream for the last 3 years now, but you're at a place where it might not be your dream anymore.

I guess what you have to ask yourself is are you quitting because you don't think you're good enough to continue, or too tired to keep going. Or are you quitting because it no longer makes you happy? If you're doing your track thing and your mind drifts and you wish you were someone else then yes quitting is what you need to do, but if it's because you doubt yourself then I don't know what to tell you.

I wake up every morning doubting the decision I've made with my life and go to bed with more doubt. But it's the only thing I love to do. When I'm on a set I'm the happiest I can be that's all that matters. If filmmaking ever just becomes a job then I'll quit.

If track feels like a chore to you then it's probably time to move on.

Anonymous said...

At such a huge junction in life, you should do what you feel deep down inside. Some people may not be able to understand why you make the final decision; but it's not their life to lead.

You have accomplished so much already as a runner and if you feel that it's time for you to move on to accomplish other goals and dreams you have in life, make the move that will ultimately motivate you to live the best life for you.

It would be sad to look back and feel that you made the decision towards a direction in life because someone else influenced you towards it and not because that's what you really wanted to do. Epic life decisions can cause a lot of stress, but I know you'll make the right decision for yourself.

I love you, girl!

Anonymous said...

I never reached your level, nor did I have the dedication and commitment, but I can say that once you start seriously thinking about stopping, (I don't use the term quit in this situation because you can't reasonably compete forever) you should do it. The faster you can put it behind you and move on to bigger and better things, the happier and more fulfilled you'll feel. Best Wishes for you!

WAGAMAMI said...

hey antonette
i think people are a sum of their past(s) so being a runner is always part of you even if you don't do it now. maybe? also with law school i would study on my own first because if you are dedicated you can do for yourself for free whatever those courses charge you for. my mom wouldn't let me eat dinner on Wednesdays for 3 months until i studied for the SATs, that's how I know. . .